Not Adulting, 101: How to Escape Adultdom


Like most Sunday evenings, I am spending my time daydreaming about what it would be like to not have to adult in a scant twelve and a half hours.

Some nights, I spend this time coloring (I do so love my swear word coloring book), but that just won’t cut it on its own this evening.

Tonight I will be spending my time in a blanket fort.

You remember those, right? Blankets draped across the backs of kitchen chairs beneath which you held your own secret meetings (no boys allowed!) and hid out from the world. Sound familiar?

I think most people underestimate just how cathartic our childhood practices were. Look how popular adult coloring books have become. Why? Because focusing on coloring between the lines is way relaxing, especially if paired with a glass of wine.

The best part about blanket fort building as an adult is propping that sucker up right in the middle of the living room, mouth towards the T.V. with your favorite, I’m-dodging-the-real-world movie (i.e. Harry Potter) playing.

Bonus points if, like me, you refrain from telling your significant other so he can come home and be blindsided by you being adult as fuck.

So, how do you build a truly epic blanket fort? Follow along, my friend. Follow along.

1. Choosing a site
Like I said, the best part of doing this as an adult is getting to do it wherever you choose. Want ready access to snacks? Build it in the kitchen! As for me, I’m setting up camp right in the middle of the living room, directly before the T. V.

2. Determining necessary footprint and base
Thinking about how big to build in advance will help keep from interrupting your precious non-adulting time later. I intend to drag my husband’s far-too-adult self down here with me, so I’m making sure there’s plenty of room for both of us.

For the base, I recommend couch cushions. I might be young in my brain, but my butt goes numb far quicker than it did when I was a child. Cushioning is a necessity. Strategically placed pillows will help alleviate back pain. Gotta be realistic here, folks.

3. Appropriate blanket selection
As a kid, my nana had this great, huge rainbow-color blanket that was as thin as a sheet. It was very reminiscent of the parachute day contraption at school (otherwise known as the best day of gym class ever). Sadly, I do not have that wondrous blanket, so tonight I am opting for my king-size, leopard-print blanket (which my nana gifted me- I am seeing a trend here).

I once used a giant comforter for this, but found it trapped heat far too well. If you are dawdling on turning the heat up, this is a good option. Otherwise, choose something on the thin side.

4. Creature comforts
Now that your overall structure is established, you need to add a few creature comforts. For me, that means a glass of milk, a stack of cookies, and a bottle of wine (this is a no-judging zone, thank you!).

5. Entertainment
Now we need to put the final touches on your non-adulting experience. I recommend having a variety of options. Remember how long your attention span was as a kid? That’s what we’re shooting for here. I’m bringing my coloring book, markers AND colored pencils, Uno, a book, a Velcro dart board, and my dog.

My husband will be bringing his patience.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *